"Training"

This weekend Lifelink, our adoption agency, held a parent training seminar in Sarasota. We were supposed to be there on Friday, but we had a training video to shoot all day. We finally hit the road around 8:30 p.m. When we rolled into the beautiful Ritz-Carlton in Sarasota it was nearly midnight. The good news for us was that we were upgraded to an amazing room with a view of Sarasota bay and a master bathroom that was bigger than ours at home. The bad news was we were only there for a short time.

The training session afforded an opportunity to meet other families adopting children from Korea, Russia and China. An entertaining speaker shared her experiences with two daughters adopted from China. She adopted the first one when her biological son was seven and half (just like the HAWK). Her best advice was that when you are asked unusual, even rude, adoption-oriented questions by people that it's best to turn the question back to them.

For example:
Random stranger in a grocery store say, "Does she speak Chinese?"

Mother say, "Why? Do you want to learn?"

This will hopefully point out the either inappropriate nature of the question or allow the person to know this isn't a conversation you wish to have.

Later in the day we practiced something called the WISE formula. The formula is designed to offer ways to answer the "inappropriate" questions.
W- Walk away
I - It's private
S - Share something
E- Educate

Reflecting on the emphasis on the questions we will face as adoptive parents has left me to consider the myriad of inane questions I answer everyday. I was asked recently if Craig's new car cost $100,000 by an acquaintance. I thought it was rude and intrusive to ask. I think there won't be a limit to questions on adoption. The challenge will be not to take it personally...and to make sure Craig doesn't punch anyone. I add that because one of the people at the training said that a stranger asked her in front of her three year old daughter, "Isn't China where they kill little girls?"

The last thing I wanted to mention from the training was a documentary filmed by a woman who was adopted from Korea after the war. It was touching and enlightening. If anyone has the opportunity to rent it they should. It's called "First Person Plural"