Shriners Children's Hospital - Boston

Yesterday, I spoke with the Shriner's Children's Hospital in Boston about cleft palate surgeries. My yahoo group has encouraged the Shriner's Hospitals in Chicago and Boston for their awesome cleft teams. Following a wonderful conversation with the admissions review coordinator, I sent in a preliminary application for Fu Nong to have his surgery with their team, led by Dr. Michael Lewis.

I understand application reviews are held once a month. Hopefully we will have an idea about his acceptance before we travel. Our agency has told us to plan for March. I hope that our Travel Authorization is timely.

In this picture you can see the scarring left by the lip repair surgery. I think he looks very ready to have a family.

It's A Boy!

The process of adoption has given Craig and I an opportunity to learn and grow beyond what we have ever expected. We've learned our strengthens and our weaknesses. We've also learned about what my mother so commmonly talks to me about - boundaries. I have accepted throughout this process that there are things I know I can't do. And, it doesn't come easy to admit that.

But, there is something I know in my heart I can do.

Here's the story... I received on email from our Lifelink social worker on 11/29 about a little boy in China who was born with bilateral cleft lip and palate. I opened the email and saw the most precious little guy looking back at me. Immediately my heart said, "he's my son." I took a breath and read the full document about him. They estimate he was born on August 21, 2004 and he was found that same day in front of the Rongxian Social Welfare Institute in Guangxi province. His lip was repaired in China, but he palate is still open.

I shared his information with Craig, who also immediately wanted to adopt him. So, this began our process of researching everything we could about him, cleft lip and palate and Rongxian SW. I spoke to families who have adopted children from China with cleft lip and palate. I talked to our pediatrician and his partner. I spoke with plastic surgeons and a child psychologist.

I was also fortunate enough to speak with some who runs a foundation in China called Grace and Hope. Through them I found a Yahoo Group of families who have adopted from Rongxian SW. This group of families is wonderful. Only 47 children have been adopted from his orphanage since 2002.

After much consideration and discussion, we returned the Letter of Intent to adopt Rong Fu Nong.

Hiding

I have been hiding from my blog. Having to share my feelings about this process has been too difficult. I read the RQ site and try to distract myself with other things. Here are some photos of the past few months...


The Space HAWK, Paul & Craig driving, Nana's birthday, Dustin & Hunter hiking in NC, Hunter enjoying ice cream in Virginia before the big fall, birthday fun at Nick Hotel and MGM (Hunter braved the Rockin Roller Coaster), back to school on the bike this year, Nana & Hunter at EPCOT, John's wedding pictures...

When I put the pictures up it helps remind me that life continues and there is always room for joy.

I have so many things to remember

I feel like there are so many things I keep telling myself "remember this", "don't forget about that", "make a list" and "save this website". The process of waiting is tough, everyone knows it, but what can be more challenging is keeping track of all the things you learn while you wait.

For example, there are hundreds of great lists on what to pack for the trip to China, or what to buy in China for our daughters later. Just tonight I came across a web site where a woman gave information on buying special bottles for children born with cleft lip and palate. (http://www.fujiankids.org/assist/cleft.shtml) This site allows families to buy the bottles at a discounted price if they bring them over and donate them to the orphanage in China. According to the data on this site about 27,000 children with cleft lip and palate are born each year in China - the majority end up in orphanages. I've thought a great deal about these special needs children, but a thought that never occurred to me was this - they have an even more difficult time taking a bottle and receiving nourishment.

So, I've put this on my list of things I hope to remember when we travel to China. Don't think its going to be easy to forget.

I haven't posted for awhile. My SW asked me to take a break from the stress and emotional rollercoaster that is adoption. I wanted to post some good news for the many waiting families. For the first time in many months we broke through the single digit referral numbers. This time around we have more than 13 days.

Keep smiling.

Update on Referrals

Looks like CCAA posted referrals before the end of the month. I don't know if they will post again. I can only hope they do, otherwise it will mean another month's worth of work to process only 9 days of LIDs. Ugh! Here's what the site said: The CCAA has finished the review of the adoption application documents registered with our office before September 30, 2005.

The CCAA has finished the placement of children for the families whose adoption application documents were registered with our office before June 15, 2005.

Faux-hawk

Summer has officially begun. And I think it will be known as the summer of the "faux-hawk" or at least that's what the ladies at the salon dubbed the hairstyle given to the HAWK today. Its a Mohawk-Lite, if you ask me. Consider it a flat top that only spikes up in the middle - no shaved head as you can see. We've been seeing kids with the hairdo quite a bit lately, so when he asked we figured that once he was out of school we'd give it a shot.

So, what do you think?

Second Grade Comes to a (Sweaty) End

Here is a picture of my little guy and his best buddy at school. Sweaty hair, red faces must be the last day of school!

Today, the HAWK finished second grade. He had a fantastic year with a great teacher and fun class. On the way home, he told me he was ready to be lazy. But, he has a busy summer ahead of him with yacht club camp, zoo camp and an old favorite Camp Shemesh.

In life there is always a reason...

This morning was a rushed one. Hustling to get the HAWK off to his second to last day of school. His need to have Legos in his hands at all times slows us down a great deal. I found myself a few minutes late to a client meeting. We've only had this client for a short time...still getting to know her. After reviewing her upcoming trade show and marketing needs the conversation fell to children. She chose to share with me that she has a son who is eight years old, whom she adopted from Russia. He is autistic and suffers serious mental retardation and self-injurous behaviors. I told her about our plans to adopt from China. We talked for awhile and settled on a phrase that often runs through my mind...Everything happens for a reason, though we may never know or understand that reason. Despite being a single mother who works full time she says she's grateful to have him in her life. She worries that if he wasn't with her he would have been abandoned on the streets of Russia.

At the end of an unusual day, I am left grateful for my life, my family and my unknown reasons in the mysteries of life.

"Training"

This weekend Lifelink, our adoption agency, held a parent training seminar in Sarasota. We were supposed to be there on Friday, but we had a training video to shoot all day. We finally hit the road around 8:30 p.m. When we rolled into the beautiful Ritz-Carlton in Sarasota it was nearly midnight. The good news for us was that we were upgraded to an amazing room with a view of Sarasota bay and a master bathroom that was bigger than ours at home. The bad news was we were only there for a short time.

The training session afforded an opportunity to meet other families adopting children from Korea, Russia and China. An entertaining speaker shared her experiences with two daughters adopted from China. She adopted the first one when her biological son was seven and half (just like the HAWK). Her best advice was that when you are asked unusual, even rude, adoption-oriented questions by people that it's best to turn the question back to them.

For example:
Random stranger in a grocery store say, "Does she speak Chinese?"

Mother say, "Why? Do you want to learn?"

This will hopefully point out the either inappropriate nature of the question or allow the person to know this isn't a conversation you wish to have.

Later in the day we practiced something called the WISE formula. The formula is designed to offer ways to answer the "inappropriate" questions.
W- Walk away
I - It's private
S - Share something
E- Educate

Reflecting on the emphasis on the questions we will face as adoptive parents has left me to consider the myriad of inane questions I answer everyday. I was asked recently if Craig's new car cost $100,000 by an acquaintance. I thought it was rude and intrusive to ask. I think there won't be a limit to questions on adoption. The challenge will be not to take it personally...and to make sure Craig doesn't punch anyone. I add that because one of the people at the training said that a stranger asked her in front of her three year old daughter, "Isn't China where they kill little girls?"

The last thing I wanted to mention from the training was a documentary filmed by a woman who was adopted from Korea after the war. It was touching and enlightening. If anyone has the opportunity to rent it they should. It's called "First Person Plural"

Turmoil

More referrals went out at the end of April which cover 7 days worth of LIDs. I have been telling myself that the wait is okay and a good thing. I have been saying that it means many little girls are leaving orphanages. We want every girl to have a loving home. But, I spoke with our SW regarding the wait. She provided different insight. According to her, in the past orphanages were processing children who would subsequently wait 6+ months for placement/referral. Now the situation is different. CCAA has placed all waiting children from orphanages. There is no longer a backlog for them to draw upon. Instead, as soon as paperwork on a child is processed they are placed with a family. It would appear that part of the delay is that there are not enough children ready to be placed with families. According to the SW, CCAA has been pushing the orphanages to get cranking on paperwork for the children, but it seems like the situation we were lead to believe.

We wanted to adopt a child that would not have a home otherwise. Yet, hearing about the disappearance of a children's backlog and such an interest globally, we are wondering if China is still the right choice. This is so difficult to determine when so little information is truly available. It leaves us in a personal turmoil. Do we continue down this path, maybe to wait years for a child or do we regroup and focus where their is less attention and therefore greater need??

Easter Moments

The HAWK on Easter morning, posing for the constant paparrazzi style photography of his daddy. Not to be out done, he wanted to take his own shots. Good thing we waited until after church to start the photo session.

The budding photographer took this one.

After brunch, the real fun begins. Easter egg hunt in the front yard. Clearly on a mission in this shot, he had a great time grabbing eggs. I couldn't help but think about next year and hope that he would have a bit more competion maybe from his little sister?

Hmmmm, Grampie jumped in the the hunt. We were surprised he
wanted to help add to the competition!?

There's always one that's out of reach, especially when the daddy hiding
them is 6 ft 5 in! Time to call in the serious reinforcements!
(This is the egg decorated by The HAWK as a self-eggtrait.)

This is about the time that Craig started shouting about my shoulder and neck. He forgets how moms do anything for there kids no matter how much it hurts. Perhaps, he was upset that the HAWK found all this hidden eggs.

Fortune Cookie says Daughter

My mother gave me the fortune from a cookie she recently received. It says "Learn Chinese: Daughter" I don't know if things like this came and went before we made our decision, but it seems to me that I find meaning in the little things now more than ever. I don't think there is anything wrong with allowing small coincidences to bring joy. I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason, whether we know the reason or not. My mother received this fortune - maybe it was to reiterate our special bond or it was foreshadowing of the bond I hope to have with my daughter. No matter what, it bodes well for us!

We watched the ending of the 60 Minutes report on the state of women in China last night. It left me with tears streaming down my face. I am struck by the image of the hidden camera documenting a woman having an ultrasound in the back of a van. I don't have any frame of reference for that feeling of desperation (and I am grateful I don't). How did that woman get to that point...well, I didn't have to wonder too long for that answer. The report wrapped up with a young woman in a school proudly telling the reporter that, 'Americans are conceited for having more than one child. And that in China having one child is her patriotic responsibility.'

Perhaps, China should make fortune cookies with "Daughter" printed in them...

Progress on a nursery

Here are the lovely gentlemen who are installing a hard wood floor in the baby's room. You can see my initial steps to correct the funky wall painting. I think I am going to completely paint over the pattern and switch a pattern or contrasting color to another smaller wall. Unfortunately for everyone, these installers are dreadfully slow. Their slow install was compounded on Friday by an alleged bout of the stomach flu by the crew...I think they wanted to go home on Good Friday and sensed a germ paranoia from me.

Getting Satisfaction in China

According to the Asia Times online edition, Mick Jagger and his crew will play in Shanghai tomorrow night. Apparently the band has been trying to play in mainland China since the 80s, but the government has blocked their performances. The first thing reason I would have thought would be the poltical tones in some of their songs such as "Street Fighting Man" and "Satisfaction" , where were not questioned by the Chinese censors. However, they are not allowed to play overly sexual songs such as "Brown Sugar", "Honky Tonk Woman", "Beast of Burden" and "Let's Spend the Night Together".

Even if you're not a Stones fan, it's interesting to note that they will be playing live to an audience of about 8,000 (no stadium crowd in China) and a televised audience as well.

I think this shows some change in China. Granted they censored songs, but they are after more than 20 years, letting a rock band into the country.

I find it interesting to track the general news of China. I plan to take a collection of news bits and incorporate them into my daughter's lifebook. In my job, I spent much of my time attempting to get news coverage, so it seems only fitting that she know what was happening around her at the time she was in the country. Visit www.atimes.com for news from Asia. If nothing else, it's a different perspective on world events.

New York, New York

This weekend I flew to NYC with my parents to celebrate a recognition my younger brother received. Although he lives in Atlanta, he entered an international architecture exhibition. His work was selected for display among a prestigous group of architects from around the world. We were all incredibly proud. It also provided a great reason for a trip to NY!

In addition to attending the architecture reception, we visited Ground Zero. Every time I go there I am further moved by the strength and resillience of the city and its citizens. It makes my self-pity for the "wait" seem trivial.

But, as so many of us do during the wait...I shopped. A trip to FAO Schwartz was essential. I purchased a first toy for our little girl. I bought a small, soft-sided photo album that matches the sweet toy. My hope would be that she would get the album during her last few weeks in the orphanage and then get the toy with us.

Everything is still in a dream place right now, but it's good enough for me.

Adoption Lifebooks

A few weeks ago I special ordered two books on Adoption Lifebooks. I originally thought they were just fancy words for baby books, but instead I found they are much more. Lifebooks serve as a way to document for our children what happened in their lives before joining our family. Apparently they started in the foster care system as a way to document important events for children moving from one state home to another. Today they have morphed into complex and challenge tools to share some painful and poignant information with our children. These books help address abandonment as well as provide a connection to geography and social roots. I am learning more and more that clues to her past not matter how small will be appreciated by my little girl.

Adoption Lifebook: A Bridge to Your Child's Beginnings by Cindy Probst, MEd, MSW, LCSW
Lifebooks: Creating a Treasure for the Adopted Child by Beth O'Malley, MEd

Referrals Trickle in from China

Referrals are completely out of whack, or so says our SW Jennifer. The once tidy system in China that was so appealing has cracked. Previously, the China Center for Adoption Affairs (CCAA) would send referrals monthly and the referrals would be for a months worth of LIDs. Now, they are coming sporatically and with only a week or two worth of LIDs. Currently, CCAA has sent referrals to families with LID dates before May 30, 2005. Doing the math....that's 10 months from LID to referral. We could be looking at a November referral date. The only good thing about that is I don't have to worry about missing my brother's wedding.

Happy Anniversary - Two Months since LID

I got a friendly email from Anita in my travel group this morning reminding me that we are having our two month LID anniversary (LID on 1/24/06). I had just been thinking that those two months flew by. My strategy of pacing myself with preparation is helping. This morning our closet guy finished the baby's closet. We now have an area for hanging clothes, five drawers, plenty of shelving and a changing table all in the little closet.

I've also decided to repaint the room. During the Olympics, I painted the whole room a very light pink, but then went crazy and made a HUGE pattern on one wall to match her bedding. Yikes! I think its overkill. The pattern is great in small amounts (Glenna Jean - Scribbles).

Keeping myself busy with little tasks, I hope will help time progress quickly. Another travel group buddy, Melissa and I are going to start learning about Lifebooks. We both share a simple and understated approach to our adoption process, so it should be a good project for us.

Also, for anyone who didn't see the NY Times article link, click here http://www.nytimes.com/2006/03/23/national/23adopt.html?ex=1143781200&en=41ff24fd481bcffb&ei=5070&emc=eta1

APC Forum

I joined an email group yesterday and received a funny email I wanted to share...its basically directions to Chinese adoption jargon. My favorite part is the end where they talk about ladybugs.

Some shorthand commonly found on APC:

DTC = Dossier to China
LID = Log In Date
ACR = Age of Child Requested
DOR = Date of Referral
DOT = Date of Travel
TA = Travel Approval
PA = Pre Approval (for a waiting child)
SN = Special Needs
NSN = Non Special Needs
SWI = Social Welfare Institution
SW = Social Worker
DH = Dear Husband
DW = Dear Wife
OT = Off Topic
INS = Immigration & Naturalization Service
BCIS = Bureau of Citizenship and Immigration Services
CCAA = China Center for Adoption Affairs (not to be confused with CCAI)

Some common adoption agency abbreviations:
HFS = Harrah's Family Services
CCAI = Chinese Children Adoption International (not to be confused with
CCAA)
GWCA = Great Wall China Adoption
FTIA - Families Thru International Adoption
AIAA - Americans for International Aid and Adoption
CHI - Childrens Hope International
JOH - Journeys Of the Heart
MAPS - Maine Adoption Placement Service
WACAP - World Association for Children And Parents

Also important to know:
Ladybug sightings are lucky. There is no real significance to ladybugs
in
Chinese culture, it's just something that has become entertaining
legend in
the China Adoption community.

The Future is Full of Possibility

Last night an American skiier won a bronze medal. To me he represented more than just our country, but the possibility of this country. Toby Dawson was adopted from Korea when he was three years old. His ski instructor parents went through a similar journey to the one we are on now. Winning an Olympic medal is certainly an accomplishment, but it was his character and attitude that impacted me during an interview with Matt Lauer of the Today Show. He seemed so comfortable with himself and his life. Of course, Matt delved into the "abondonment and adoption" issues during the interview, but Toby handled it so well. There was no talk of being "lucky" or any garbage like that, just, "my mom put skis on me and I never wanted to take them off." I wonder everyday how my daughter will adjust to her life in the U.S. Toby gives me hope for her and the possibility of her future.

LID 1/24/06

Logged in Date! We started this process in July 2005. It took us six months to get here, but so much was accomplished during that time. Writing biographies, 4 homestudy visits, medical physicals, FBI fingerprints, every background check ever invented, and the promise that we will love our daughter as our own.

For some people the LID probably seems like a huge accomplishment, but its left me feeling a bit empty. It just another step in this long journey. I just hope that next year at this time our daughter is home and happy.

General Patton's Bounce

Today, I was researching some motiviational business quotes for a client and I happened upon a quote from Gen. George Patton. "Success is how you bounce on the bottom." For some strange reason it made me think about our daughter, and all of our lost daughters from China. From a certain perspective, they are at the bottom, there lives will only go up from here. They will bounce. And, we will be there to catch them. We will help ensure their upward momentum continues for the rest of their lives.

I am from Space

You know you have a tragically low hit count when even your friends and family fail to notice that somehow you are listed as being from Space. I looked at the blog today after my previous posting and noticed that instead of saying Space Coast as my location it said just Space, Florida, United States. Maybe my friends and family weren't surprised, but to those in my travel group who are just checking out the site. I am really not that "out there".

Year of the Dog

Jennifer sent us this picture to commemorate the year of the dog. Maybe it's designed to make us laugh, since at this point in the process, we wait. It's a waiting game with some guesswork, really. We watch the referrals come in, track the dates and guess when ours will come. We heard word from Lifelink that LIDs from "before May 13" got referrals on Jan. 25. So, then we have to guess on our LID date, since we don't have it yet. Lets say LID is Jan.25, then we would be looking at late September or early October for a referral. Then travel will end up in late October...just in time for only brother's wedding. Let's pray that the dates don't match up like that. I would love to have our daughter home in time to go to John and Laurel's wedding.

We've got a group

We received information in the mail today from our agency that put us in our "travel group". Of course, they let us know there are no guarantees that these are the wonderful people who will put their daughters next to ours on the red couch, but they could be. Little announcements or news like this keep us going. We have been hesistant to buy much of any thing for her yet. We talk about names but still informally...Craig and I have very different ideas about names. He thinks future film director name, while I think something feminine, but strong...maybe they will be the same name in the end. I hope so.

DTC!!!

Last Friday we received an email from Jennifer our SW saying that we could be DTC in a few days but that we needed to send scans of our passports via email to Illinois where the main adoption coordination office is located. Needless to say I hopped in the car and buzzed home to get the passports. As I looked I started to panic. The passports weren't where we keep them. They have been in the same cabinet forever. When you panic you can't think clearly. I knew I had to make copies to send to Jennifer but then what did I do with them?! Bang - it hit me. They were in the car locked in the glove compartment. I had left them there after I photocopied them a few weeks ago. So, I had them with me the whole time and the drive back to the office was completely unnecessary. So we got those sent off.
Since then I got the flu and I have been usless to everyone. Here's how I knew I was feeling really miserable. I checked email from my phone while lying in bed yesterday. There was an email from Jennifer saying we were DTC on 1/3/2006. I could only manage a half smile before falling back to sleep. Once I am feeling 100% I will have to begin searching out estimated dates for travel. Let the waiting begin.