Update on Referrals

Looks like CCAA posted referrals before the end of the month. I don't know if they will post again. I can only hope they do, otherwise it will mean another month's worth of work to process only 9 days of LIDs. Ugh! Here's what the site said: The CCAA has finished the review of the adoption application documents registered with our office before September 30, 2005.

The CCAA has finished the placement of children for the families whose adoption application documents were registered with our office before June 15, 2005.

Faux-hawk

Summer has officially begun. And I think it will be known as the summer of the "faux-hawk" or at least that's what the ladies at the salon dubbed the hairstyle given to the HAWK today. Its a Mohawk-Lite, if you ask me. Consider it a flat top that only spikes up in the middle - no shaved head as you can see. We've been seeing kids with the hairdo quite a bit lately, so when he asked we figured that once he was out of school we'd give it a shot.

So, what do you think?

Second Grade Comes to a (Sweaty) End

Here is a picture of my little guy and his best buddy at school. Sweaty hair, red faces must be the last day of school!

Today, the HAWK finished second grade. He had a fantastic year with a great teacher and fun class. On the way home, he told me he was ready to be lazy. But, he has a busy summer ahead of him with yacht club camp, zoo camp and an old favorite Camp Shemesh.

In life there is always a reason...

This morning was a rushed one. Hustling to get the HAWK off to his second to last day of school. His need to have Legos in his hands at all times slows us down a great deal. I found myself a few minutes late to a client meeting. We've only had this client for a short time...still getting to know her. After reviewing her upcoming trade show and marketing needs the conversation fell to children. She chose to share with me that she has a son who is eight years old, whom she adopted from Russia. He is autistic and suffers serious mental retardation and self-injurous behaviors. I told her about our plans to adopt from China. We talked for awhile and settled on a phrase that often runs through my mind...Everything happens for a reason, though we may never know or understand that reason. Despite being a single mother who works full time she says she's grateful to have him in her life. She worries that if he wasn't with her he would have been abandoned on the streets of Russia.

At the end of an unusual day, I am left grateful for my life, my family and my unknown reasons in the mysteries of life.

"Training"

This weekend Lifelink, our adoption agency, held a parent training seminar in Sarasota. We were supposed to be there on Friday, but we had a training video to shoot all day. We finally hit the road around 8:30 p.m. When we rolled into the beautiful Ritz-Carlton in Sarasota it was nearly midnight. The good news for us was that we were upgraded to an amazing room with a view of Sarasota bay and a master bathroom that was bigger than ours at home. The bad news was we were only there for a short time.

The training session afforded an opportunity to meet other families adopting children from Korea, Russia and China. An entertaining speaker shared her experiences with two daughters adopted from China. She adopted the first one when her biological son was seven and half (just like the HAWK). Her best advice was that when you are asked unusual, even rude, adoption-oriented questions by people that it's best to turn the question back to them.

For example:
Random stranger in a grocery store say, "Does she speak Chinese?"

Mother say, "Why? Do you want to learn?"

This will hopefully point out the either inappropriate nature of the question or allow the person to know this isn't a conversation you wish to have.

Later in the day we practiced something called the WISE formula. The formula is designed to offer ways to answer the "inappropriate" questions.
W- Walk away
I - It's private
S - Share something
E- Educate

Reflecting on the emphasis on the questions we will face as adoptive parents has left me to consider the myriad of inane questions I answer everyday. I was asked recently if Craig's new car cost $100,000 by an acquaintance. I thought it was rude and intrusive to ask. I think there won't be a limit to questions on adoption. The challenge will be not to take it personally...and to make sure Craig doesn't punch anyone. I add that because one of the people at the training said that a stranger asked her in front of her three year old daughter, "Isn't China where they kill little girls?"

The last thing I wanted to mention from the training was a documentary filmed by a woman who was adopted from Korea after the war. It was touching and enlightening. If anyone has the opportunity to rent it they should. It's called "First Person Plural"

Turmoil

More referrals went out at the end of April which cover 7 days worth of LIDs. I have been telling myself that the wait is okay and a good thing. I have been saying that it means many little girls are leaving orphanages. We want every girl to have a loving home. But, I spoke with our SW regarding the wait. She provided different insight. According to her, in the past orphanages were processing children who would subsequently wait 6+ months for placement/referral. Now the situation is different. CCAA has placed all waiting children from orphanages. There is no longer a backlog for them to draw upon. Instead, as soon as paperwork on a child is processed they are placed with a family. It would appear that part of the delay is that there are not enough children ready to be placed with families. According to the SW, CCAA has been pushing the orphanages to get cranking on paperwork for the children, but it seems like the situation we were lead to believe.

We wanted to adopt a child that would not have a home otherwise. Yet, hearing about the disappearance of a children's backlog and such an interest globally, we are wondering if China is still the right choice. This is so difficult to determine when so little information is truly available. It leaves us in a personal turmoil. Do we continue down this path, maybe to wait years for a child or do we regroup and focus where their is less attention and therefore greater need??